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heartbreaker

by benjamin nguyen

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1.
2.
standing from the sidelines, watching all yr movies, watching all yr movements in the car. I see my own reflection, hating where i'm sitting, looking at the stoplights in the car. and if I leave the earth, I know I won't see god at all.
3.
I can't focus. let me be alone. blood drips, silent. leave my friends alone. guilt trip. sobbing. what's he running from? what's that hanging up?
4.
you tell me how you hate those stained glass windows. we tried to solve a puzzle, one piece gone. you tell me how the art is so damn bad, and I agree cause you know more. and I don't want to go to school. I don't need that text at all. and all my friends ditch half way through. and all that's left is me at home. we walked around, you never knew what hit you. the same routines aren't same no more. you wanted me to postpone that one question, and maybe that's where I went wrong. and all that's left is leaving you, cause all you want is something more.
5.
we were a few cents short, the windows cloud in the afternoon. we were in separate rooms, yr eyes teared up when I said to you. all that was on my mind, it's such a gamble. we never knew what for, but no one wanted us alone. how could I sleep? it's such a heartbreak.
6.
tulip on the counter. yr coffee flavored sugar. you placed inside her stomach, a devil sinner child. and all I want for christmas is a way to stop from crying. the tears shed prior hallway. the blue melts down, the primer. I press rewind, you watch it burn. you said it's good to notice, the signs they will die sooner. you bless the martyr child. the blessed for the while.
7.
the voice that i hear at night is the voice that i hate to hear and the things that i swore i won’t do are the things that i’m doing now. and i’m riding down the freeway with my friends. a couple in the backseat of the van. and i’ve never felt so lonely in my life. i never thought my chest still hurts. and the plans i made with you that saturday at home. and the things i said to you are things that i regret. everything dies and everyone lies.

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released December 25, 2017

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benjamin nguyen Grand Rapids, Michigan

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